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Dear Mum and Dad,

I miss you. I wish you were here.

Losing a parent feels like you lost piece of yourself. An irreplaceable piece of your family.  I struggled to find that missing piece of myself for a while. I still struggle at times.

After you were both gone, sometimes I landed on solid ground. Sometimes I landed in a puddle and almost drowned.

But I survived.

I learned how to be a parent from you both. You were fantastic role models.  I was lucky to have you.

The losses of you both made me strong. I became an independent young woman who wanted to do it all on her own. I love that I became strong, but I hate that I had to lose you to do it.

I hope that even though you are not with me, you can still know some small pieces of my life. I wish you were sitting in the front row on my wedding day. Mum, you missed it, but Dad saw it – and I’m hoping he has now told you all about it.

I hope one day you will tell me you were able to see my sons’ faces when I first met them. I could have used your help and wisdom. And still could use it.

I wish you could be there on those long hospital days and appointments, telling me it will be ok – or just making me a vegemite sandwich with no crusts. And Dad, oh how I wish I could have called you and shown you pictures of JJ laying the wreath at the National War Memorial on school camp. Jasper knew you were with him.

Someday, I will see you and I know will tell me you were there with me.  

I often imagine how life would be different if you were both still here. I daydream of the laughter and stories we would share together about my babies. 

They are all getting big now. Oh, they have grown so tall - but their hearts are growing even bigger. They are caring, resilient and so strong. You would be so proud of them. I know what being a parent is all about now - and why you both loved it so much. You taught me more than you know.

This week it was both All Saints and All Souls Day. Next week is Remembrance Day. November feels like a month to pause, to breathe, to remember.

And to be grateful. And grateful - how I am so much.

All Souls Day we remember those who have gone before us – like you mum and dad.

I know that I have written to you about what I miss, what you have missed and how the loss has hurt and shaped me.

But this year – on All Souls Day and in the month of Remembrance, I will also be grateful. And I will remember the laughs, the courage, the joy you both had and gave me.

Those memories - well there are too many to list here – and maybe I want to save them all for myself. But I will remember, and I will smile, and I will tell always keep telling my boys all about you both.

So that they know, the importance of this day, these months, and how to keep these memories growing.

Till next time Mum and Dad,

Love Trish

Ps – I hope you didn't see the tantrum Alfie had in Target last week.... you don't need to see it all.

Image credit @eddiewhitejr