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My children are 11 and 6. They have wonderful grandparents who pick them up from school, go on adventures, host sleep overs, and play backyard cricket with them.

But they only have one set of grandparents that can do this.

My parents both passed away before youngest son met either of them. My eldest son was 2 years old when my father passed away and he never got to meet my mum.

I make it a point to discuss the hard things such as grief with my children – to teach them about this part of life. Which isn’t easy, it isn’t nice, but it is a part of life.

No matter how prepared you are, you can never be fully prepared for loss and the grief. There is no time line for grieving.  You can’t rush it.  You will grieve, in some form, forever.

I have learnt many lessons over the years – with these 5 highlighting my journey and part of the hard parts I try to teach my children;

1. Grief doesn’t come in five neat stages that you can tick off in order.
2. People will bring you food because they don’t know what else to do. 
3. Big life events and milestones will forever be bittersweet.
4. It’s okay NOT to cry sometimes. Don’t feel bad if you laugh or feel happy. You will feel sad at times you never expected.
5. Time does NOT heal all wounds. You don’t get over it – you get used it.

There will always be regrets.  No matter how much time you had, you’ll always want more.

Grief and loss is not easy to talk of. It is awkward. It hurts. It is hard. But because we had these discussions with our children, I hope it prepared them for when their pets passed over their rainbow. There were tears, there was anger, but there was an understanding that this was one part of life. And yes – a hard part.

One of our roles as parents is to bring these little loves into the world with all the skills to help them through the good and the bad times. We cannot hide them from the hard parts of life. We cannot pretend they will not happen.

But we can teach, and we can guide them so they will be ready for the journey when it reaches them.

As a parent, you aren’t given a rule book on how to talk about the hard things. You are not taught what to say, when to say it and why. But there is help there for you. You do not need to do it alone.

So my message to you – talk about the hard things. Seek help if you need it. Prepare them for the world they live in, without sheltering them things that are just awkward to talk about.

Parenting is hardly all sunshine and rainbows. And neither is the world we all live in.

But – I have faith in you. You got this.