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I was driving along in the car listening to the radio when a song came on from my late teens/early 20’s.

A song I knew every word to. And I sang each word incredibly loud.

I didn’t particularly love this song, but it got me thinking. I loved karaoke and dancing.

I wasn’t the type that would know the names of up-and-coming bands. But I loved a dance, a sing along and had a full CD tower.

I went to concerts.

I danced with friends.

I stayed up past 9pm.

In that moment it became clear to me that, along with music, I’ve let go of many other habits and things I used to enjoy.

Do you remember that time in in your life when you watched what you wanted to watch.

 You ate when you wanted to eat and at the temperature you wanted to eat it.

You went to a café and only ordered a coffee?

In the past 2 years, I have been to the cinemas 5 times. I saw 4 children’s movies which were great – but I also went with the girls to see Top Gun. Which ended up in 2 hours of wonderful commentary and fits of laughter.

It isn’t that we don’t love being parents. We really really do. But it is the realisation that we are still living in the transition of who we used to be – to who we are now.

As parents, we often consider our children’s needs equal to or above our own in the day to day needs.

I learned that my happiness and identity cannot be dependent on my kids. That is a responsibility that is unfair for them to shoulder. 

If you are feeling lost, I hear you.

But if you take time to prioritise yourself, that identity will creep back in.

It’s not easy. There are always a million things that need to be done before you feel like you can make time for yourself.

But you have to do it anyway. Do something just for yourself. And, make it a habit.

I run. When I am happy, when I am sad, when I am stressed. I run. Running helped me find myself again. I found a group, I met new people, I made goals.

I entered a marathon where I had to stick to daily run plans. For me. If I didn’t do those km, for myself, I would not finish the marathon. Many times it felt selfish. Many times, when running I would be thinking of what jobs I should be doing at home.

But then the other times, I was out there. For me. Each step, for me. And i started finding a new me again.

You may never have a life like you did pre-parenthood, and that’s okay.

Your identity isn’t lost, it’s just been a bit buried under school homework, parent/teacher interviews and sports taxi runs.

Make the time for yourself. You will be showing your children they should always prioritise their health and happiness.

It doesn’t have to be a marathon. But find something. And make it a habit.

And remember – car karaoke is always a good thing.