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I’m 42 years old.

My mum passed away when I was 26. My dad passed away when I was 31. I would be lying if I would say to you that I did not question my faith during these years.

I grew up surrounded by faith. My dad came from an Irish Catholic home. My mum was raised by Catholic parents who valued Sunday Mass. She taught Sunday School every weekend. As children, we would attend mass every weekend. My brother was an altar boy, I soon followed his footsteps.

We did our sacraments, chose our Confirmation sponsors and counted down the days until we could try Communion. Every Christmas we would join in the Nativity Play – every year I would play Angel Gabriel, never getting the coveted Mother Mary role. Clearly, this is still a sore point.

As we grew older and went through Primary and High School, us children would continue our faith journey with our parents. My mum had such strong faith that she would always instil in me. There was always a common theme that faith was at the core of our being. That faith was there to celebrate the good times and be thankful for the gifts God gave.

And faith was there to carry us through the hard times when we could not walk alone. The parable “Footprints” always hung in my room.Whatever path we led as children, mum and dad would always confirm in their own subtle way that faith led us there.

So, when mum got sick, I immediately questioned this faith. Here was a woman who was the most selfless person you would find. She volunteered at Church, she worked two jobs so we could attend our sporting endeavours.

She prayed every night. I heard her. She prayed not just for our family, but for strangers, for nature, for everyone.

She never put herself first.

And here she was. Sick, with no cure, and so young.

I remember my mum telling me not to blame anybody and to keep my faith because she could see that it was fading away. But there were many times that I sat at night while she was sick in the hospital room, wondering what God’s plan in all of this was. My parish priest told me “strong people need to deal with strong adversity.” I didn't believe this.

Then Dad got sick. And my faith again got tested.

When dad passed away, I felt more cheated. What kind of lesson was I trying to be taught during this time?

Since my parents have passed away, I have healed. But healing does not mean it did not happen. I've healed and I have also learnt lessons. That it's OK to question your faith. It's OK to find and to seek meaning. And ultimately your strength in your faith will come back -  even though you may not have felt faith at the hardest of times.

I've bargained with God; I've pleaded with God. I’ve asked him so many times why this happened to me and my family. And now as the years have passed, I feel confidence. I feel strength and I feel my faith in the fact that God has led me back to believing.

I feel I have been put through a test to see if I still believe. And I feel this has made my faith stronger. I certainly could have gone a different way and not come back. However, there was always a lingering part thinking there has to be a reason for this

So Yes  - I questioned my faith in very difficult periods.  And I think that's OK to do so.

Because if we don't question, we don't fully have an understanding and take time to think of what we are questioning. If we just believe in what we've been taught, without taking a moment to feel or see what it truly might mean in times of adversity, then what are we believing?

Our Faith journey is that. It is a journey. Like journeys, there are forks in the road, dead ends and long straight pathways.  On the journey, you may stop. You may try and go off road, but you may not get far if there is no path. You’ll be met with choices to take, and you can choose which one suits you.

It is a journey that you may take. I hope for you reading this, that you aren’t tested in this way. But if you are, I hope you see that every person's journey’s may change. A journey will evolve and  it is ok to question. And you hopefully come out stronger at the other side.

I am a strong believer you need to question things, not cruise along in life if you want to believe. Faith that grows out of questioning can be stronger than faith that is developed from practices and blind acceptance.

So Dad, I hope you are still doing the collection up there with your church mates.

And Mum, I didn't lose it. It just came back - stronger.