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Twelve months ago, I signed up to a website where you write a letter to yourself. At the time, it felt inorganic, it felt odd. I almost didn't press send.

Today, with no warning or memory I had done this, I received that letter. Excerpt from my letter is below. 

It was warming to read what my hopes were, what i was working on, and what i valued. The consistent theme was to be present. To there. To start living more - not just surviving.

I encourage you to do this. Just once is enough - or every three months. Write to FutureMe. And report back to me in 12 months. 

It's all a process. But a good one.

19/07/2021

Dear FutureMe,

The world still has covid. It is hard. It is scary. It is life though. It’s been a hard 18 months. This last 6 been tough.

I have found it hard to let go of all the stress, mum life and anxiety. Of trying to save everyone. Of trying to make them happy.

I am scared my babies are growing up and I’m missing out on them.

So, I’m making a change.

I am being more present. I am putting phone down. I’m listening to the kids. I am making the sheet and pillow cubbies. I am cleaning later.

Alfie is 5. He is in preschool. He is making friends and learning to be a little man.

Jasper is 10. And growing into a boy that I want to be around always. Forever. He loves karate, friends, Alfie and the dogs.

My husband is loving lawn bowls. He is happy. We are so happy.

We love our caravan. And the peace it brings. We have just come back from Flinders Ranges and it is the trip I needed. To stop. To breathe. To start again.

I love running. I am proud of where I have come. I ran a marathon this year. I want to run 2 more. This year.

My brother, sisters and their partners are so strong and are amazing inspirations. Daily I feel I do not know how the do their life. I am so proud of them.

And sister, my best friend. I am so proud of her and how she cares for those in her life. She should be proud of herself. I am. She has a boyfriend now. I like him and hope it works.

I still miss mum and dad so much. Especially when life gets hard. But I feel their strength. Their love. I want to hear their voice. I’d take just hearing them once. And hope they are proud.

My in laws are wonderful and healthy. We are lucky.

I hope next year I have found more days of this calmness I am feeling today. This happiness. This living. Not just surviving.

It is a process. But I am proud.

Love Trish

I can report - i have run 4 more marathons, my caravan has not sat still. My husband still loves lawn bowls and my babies are bigger and happier. 

And I feel this calmness more. And my life - well i am living it.

There is no after party. It is all happening right now.